After the relapse

After enjoying the Easter festivities, it is once again time to report back on any progress. When I last posted on this blog, I was recovering after a mild relapse. Mild is a relative term that is possible the more subjective than most MS sufferers will ever acknowledge. The Doctors have no scale to use, and neither does the patient. A lot of it depends on your frame of mind during and after the relapse.

However, I had not perceived any permanent damage in the first three days after my recovery. At least, nothing that would worry me. Since the recovery process takes a while, my first inclination may have been somewhat premature. As I had mentioned before, each relapse does leave some damage as a calling card. This damage may not be visible, but more often than not, I believe this is not the case. My recent relapse has definitely left the left side of my body a little worse off than it was prior to the relapse. Mostly the effect is a weakening of that side of the body, which is visible as loss of muscle tone. Fortunately, for the public in general, I am not inclined towards exposing my body by recklessly ripping off my clothes in public.

There is a very good reason for this. The relapses are not confined to only one side of the body. These relapses can affect any side of the body at any time. After a few relapses on each side of the body, things are not quite .... shall we say, aesthetically pleasing to the eye. When muscle tone is reduced, you become very acutely aware of gravity. So loss of muscle tone = bits heading south. Being male, and not wishing to speak on how this affects the ladies, I shall confine my observations to purely the male side of things. Any person of the opposite gender is welcome to contribute from their perspective, and please do because I am intrigued!

The first visible body part heading south on males would the the pectoral muscles. But this is OK, ... I think we can handle this as a gender without loosing too much sleep about it. It bites, but its acceptable. The Glutæus Maximus, i.e. the muscle that is also known at the butt, also appears to have a southward inclination as do all muscles the body, in fact. But most distressing is the southward tendency of the "crown jewels". Under normal circumstances, when the crown jewels start the slow migration to the south, this is a joyous event marked by the owner entering into manhood. The continuation of this southward trend is usually a natural one which does not illicit any more attention after entering manhood. It is generally considered that at some point this southward trend shall cease. My particular worry is that this move towards the south is accelerated after each relapse.

As yet my voice has gotten deeper, but I would like to believe that this is a normal natural phenomenon. My worry is that in 10 years time I will be forced to look in the mirror and discover that I am the proud owner of something that resembles a pair of long socks, each with a single plum in it, fighting for dominance with my knees. I hope you understand my concerns, especially when it would appear that plastic surgery is the only dignified option to rectify such an unfortunate situation. All other options are simply not acceptable, especially the equivalent of a bra for those bits.

Perhaps I worry too much, however, these are things that concern me. On the brighter side though, I have had a brainstorm. I am investigating the feasibility of having Orange County Choppers manufacture a customized motability scooter. My idea is to have two choppers made into one, in a similar fashion to a catamaran.

My fondest regards to all of you, and thank you for reading this blog.