Talking in slurs

One of my more frequent displays of dignified conduct, the slurred speech, is so attractive that it merits a posting on its own. During one of these "episodes" my face starts to tingle the night before, and miniscule impulses fire all over the face. I have occasionally wondered whether this was the precursor to developing a twitch, similar to Herbert Lom's twitch in the Pink Panther movies. These twitches are not visible if you look in a mirror. Quite frankly, they are highly annoying and become more and more annoying until extreme fatigue grabs you by the throat and forces you into a coma. Fine ... I know this is a bit extreme, but you try dealing with it.

It would be nice if the story ended here, however, when the morning arrives and you wake up in a good mood, you are instantly aware that the previous nights twitching has disappeared. Hooray! Until you utter the first few words in morning to your loved ones, which should be "Good morning ... " and what actually spews forth is " ghghfoook murnnib ..". Sounds good doesn't it! Unfortunately, I may get up in the morning but I don't wake up until I have had at least 2 cups of coffee. The mind does not engage until the levels are adequate. So, while these words erupt rampantly from my mouth, I don't realise what has happened and continue with a normal conversation ... "deodghe zleeep val" which means "Did you sleep well?".

The second phrase is a dead giveaway, and I become reluctantly aware that what I think I say and what I really do say, don't match. I therefore prepare myself for a hard day, trying to communicate my thoughts to the world in general while attempting to maintain some dignity. I have noticed that general fatigue does seem to aggravate the whole event.

During such an episode, I have had to prove that I was sober, even though my speech argued heavily against this. At times it feels like the top lip has suddenly gained weight and will not be lifted. In fact, everything on your face, from the bridge of the nose downwards, starts sagging and the lower half of Bart Simpson's face suddenly finds a new home on your own face. Telephone conversations are hard at the best of times, but during such an event you become totally unintelligible.

However, you can use this type of episode to your benefit. Firstly, you have plausible deniability in your favour, because no person understands you and thus cannot hold anything against you even if they heard correctly. Secondly, you have an excuse to avoid speaking to people. Thirdly, people immediately think you are slow in the head because your speech is awkward, and this gives you the edge over such people .. you know the ones I mean ... those who try to pull the wool over your eyes, as though you don't have enough problems at that moment.

To deal with this type of event I have used 3 techniques. Firstly, to slow down the speed at which I speak. Secondly, choose the proper words for the minimum effort. And thirdly, only speak when it is absolutely necessary and completely unavoidable. The latter has proved valuable even during other non-"episode" periods.

The hardest thing to do with MS is to train your mind and body, but it is the most rewarding feeling when you can control both, especially during flare-ups and relapses. I still believe that the mind is the most powerfull weapon in your arsenal against MS.